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How Video Games Impacted Me as a Neurodivergent Girl
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
One December evening in 2014, I opened up my Animal Crossing: New Leaf town after months of not playing. Normally, I would play Tomodachi Life since it was my deep interest at the time, but I wasn’t in the mood.
Folks … I was at the lowest point of my life: my best friend transferred to another school, my friend group split up unexpectedly, and things were frosty between me and another friend of mine after a heated argument the month before. I felt myself withdrawing from everyone, I had frequent crying spells in class, and to top it off, I was dealing with a plethora of personal problems that weren’t even school-related. It was just too much for an AuDHDer like me to bear.
If I’m being honest, my mental health was in the toilet. My life was spiraling out of control, and let’s just say I wasn’t handling it well. I wasn’t my best self at the time (and admittedly not so pleasant to be around in retrospect).
Anyway, I expected to play Animal Crossing for only a few days and go back to playing Tomodachi Life as usual. Well, a few days turned into weeks … then months … then finally two years.
Before I knew it, I was grinding that game (almost) all day, every day for hours before and after school. And if you took a look at my activity log right now, you’d probably be thinking, “Holy moly, go outside!”
Video Games Helped Me Through the Dark Ages
What I just said would probably elicit clucking sounds of disapproval from (plenty of) older people. Why? Because they treat video games like the devil, like they’re devices of evil. It doesn’t help matters that many parents, teachers, and doctors still decry them as violent, crude, and totally worthless forms of entertainment.
But hear me out: Animal Crossing helped me when I was lost in the throes of teenage angst. When I couldn’t keep my life from spinning wildly out of control in a world that felt scary and cruel, I escaped into my virtual animal town, a place where my neighbors were sweet and kind to me, a place where I could pay my mortgage at my own pace, a place where I could fill up my encyclopedia with bugs, fish, and sea creatures, a place where I was even the mayor and could set my own ordinances, town tune, and more!
Animal Crossing didn’t cure my anxiety and depression, sure, but it definitely helped me a ton. It never failed to make me smile, even if I was feeling so terrible inside. It was one of the many things that helped me keep my head above water.
It was an idyllic paradise for a neurodivergent teenager.
Video Games Are Misunderstood Works of Art
Now, don’t get it twisted: as a member of the “Club Penguin (or Webkinz) Generation,” I do not condone unlimited screen time in any way, shape, or form–and excessive gaming is no exception. I’m aware of what it’s doing to our kids’ health, education, critical thinking skills, and attention spans, and I’m not going to lie, I’ve grown more cynical of technological advancement more recently (don’t even get me started on generative AI).
But video games have proven to be more beneficial for neurodivergent children and adults than we think. According to Stimpunks Foundation, playing video games is a valid coping strategy for autistic children and teens. Using a trove of studies, opinion pieces, and personal accounts, they explain that video games are beneficial for autistic people in the following ways:
They empower us to make our own decisions, to pave our own paths, and write our own narratives.
They help us regulate our emotions (and nervous system) in an unpredictable and chaotic world.
They give us a sense of routine.
They help us sit back and decompress after a long, stressful day.
They are pathways for us to build authentic connections with other gamers (big bonus if they’re neurodivergent).
They teach us essential life skills (e.g., problem solving, hand-eye coordination, strategic thinking, social skills, resilience, etc.).
They give us warm fuzzies when we accomplish a goal or beat a stage (especially if it took us weeks or months to do so).
Besides Animal Crossing being my go-to tool to calm down and rewind whenever I was having “big feelings,” it also gave me a taste of what to expect from small talk, helped me learn the value of money, and even taught me how to properly fish (e.g., when I was in Kentwood for Easter in 2015, I ended up catching 12 to 15 fish, and it was thanks to a video game that taught me to reel ‘em in as soon as I heard a plip and felt a tug).
And since I mentioned Tomodachi Life earlier, it encouraged me to use my imagination by creating my own fictional characters with the magic of a Mii Maker. I’d then doodle pictures of my characters on notebooks, sketchbooks, and the empty spaces in my homework planner. I concocted so much lore about my characters, and after so many years of tweaking and much-needed character development, I finally settled on an idea this year:
My characters will be in a book series I plan on writing in the future, and the main character is an AuDHDer! She also has a younger sister with ADHD, and while the two clash as kids, they gradually become closer in later books. I’m also considering a spinoff series with the little sister, now a teenager, being the main character.
I’ll talk about my story ideas more in another article.
Helping Your Neurodivergent Child Foster a Healthy Relationship With Video Gaming
Of course, parents shouldn’t let their child get too hooked on gaming. But stringent restrictions (e.g., you can only play video games for one hour) and selling the Nintendo Switch will not solve the problem. Sometimes, the reason for excessive gaming is more profound.
First, ask yourself, Why is my child playing video games all day, every day? What’s happening in their lives that’s making them game 24/7?
Sometimes, neurodivergent folks turn to gaming as a temporary escape from stressful circumstances, whether it’s burnout, mental illness, or traumatic environments (e.g., school). While grown-ups might see video games as akin to alcohol and drugs, neurodivergent kids and adults see it as a necessary tool to help their nervous systems return to a regulated state, kind of like yoga and meditation. And as dramatic as it sounds, video games have even saved lives.
Like alcohol and sugar, however, too much video games is a recipe for disaster. If they’re gaming so much that they’re forgoing eating, sleeping, bathing, or studying, then it’s time to set boundaries.
If you’re not sure what to do, here are some tips to regulate your neurodivergent child’s time spent gaming:
Set time limits that make sense (e.g., no video games until you finish your homework, lights out at 9 p.m.).
Use visual timers and alarm settings to make the transition from gaming to a different activity less stressful for your child.
Allow your child a few minutes to come to a good stopping (or saving point) when gaming time is over.
Personally, I think if your neurodivergent child’s deep interest happens to be video games, and they’re taking good care of themselves and doing well in school, work, and their relationships, then IMHO, there’s no reason to worry. If it’s helping them with their mental and emotional wellbeing, don’t take that away from them.
Video Games Save Neurodivergent Lives
As time passed, I managed to connect with tons of people who had the same interests as me. I’ve gone to school with gamers, been a part of the Animal Crossing community on social media, and was a member of Loyola’s Gaming Club. I even attended Mechacon (R.I.P.), Fan Expo, and GalaxyCon (which I attended with friends from Connection Across the Spectrum this past Saturday) in New Orleans.
If your child likes video games, they may find a group of likeminded people who love gaming as well. I can’t emphasize enough how beautiful that is.
So before you write off video games, think about what you can do to support your neurodivergent child while they’re using the tools they need to stay afloat. Once they’re able to access professional help, regulate their emotions, and find their tribe, they’ll find a balance. But video games will always be there for them when life is tough again.
In a world that’s constantly pathologizing neurodiverse people at every turn, having supportive grown-ups in their lives can make a world of difference. When parents and teachers support a neurodivergent child’s deep interests (including video games), they’re ensuring that they grow up to become confident, happy, and healthy neurodivergent adults.
And we owe them that.