The AuDHD Experience: When Autism and ADHD Walk Into a Bar

Written by : Gracie Wise

I feel like a living paradox sometimes.

One minute, I'm spending time with loved ones, visiting vibrant places and trying strange foods (which occasionally gross them out), and a few hours later, I'm tired and overstimulated, ready to return to the refuge of the quiet, dimly lit sanctuary I call my room.

Or maybe I'm trying to read a book two hours a day, and while I'm devouring page after page for the first couple of weeks, I'll feel bored or restless only 2-3 weeks in, having zero motivation to read at all (and I love reading)! My brain will then find the next big thing to hyperfixate on for the next few weeks or months––rinse and repeat.

If you have AuDHD like me, you probably relate to the intense struggle of having two different neurotypes duke it out in your brain 24/7. In our quest to satisfy our brain's conflicting needs, we often pay with significant amounts of our physical and mental energy.

What the Heck Is AuDHD Anyway?

It literally means having autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). While not an official medical term, AuDHD is used colloquially amongst neurodivergent communities to describe the unique experience of having two contrasting neurodevelopmental disorders.

Contrary to popular belief, a person can have both diagnoses. In a 2022 study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychiatry, it's estimated that 50% to 70% of autistic people are diagnosed with ADHD.

It’s not hard to understand why anyone would think that, though: their symptoms and traits are literally antithetical to each other.

Besides, the DSM-IV excluded autistic children outright from receiving an ADHD diagnosis, and vice versa. For that reason, many children were diagnosed with one condition but left untreated for the other. It wasn't until the publication of the DSM-5 in 2013 that children could be diagnosed with both.

With that in mind, imagine how many autistic adults there are with undiagnosed ADHD. They may struggle with mental health issues, social issues, low self-esteem, substance abuse, executive dysfunction, and burnout from prolonged masking.

When Autism and ADHD Clash

To get a taste of what it's like living with AuDHD, imagine autism and ADHD having a tug-of-war in your brain.

Every. Single. Day.

No matter what you say or do, there's no pleasing both sides. This constant battle manifests in unique ways, including (but not limited to):

• Seeking new thrills and frills, but also wanting sameness and predictability.

• Searching high and low for routine, but not sticking to it either.

• Enjoying time with friends and family, but also needing copious amounts of time alone.

• Feeling exhausted from socializing and sensory overload while the brain is running on leftover fuel–even at rest.

• Planning weeks out in advance, only to add and remove something from the schedule.

• Remembering small details and trivia from the past, but not remembering names (guilty as charged).

• Constantly jumping from one special interest to the next (e.g. I’ll go from obsessing over Animal Crossing to putting it on the back burner for Tomodachi Life).

DISCLAIMER: This list isn't intended to diagnose autism and/or ADHD. This is simply a list of things a person with AuDHD may experience in their day-to-day lives. If you think you have one or both diagnoses, you should schedule an appointment with your doctor to see if they can refer you to someone for an evaluation.

Not Autistic Enough, But Not ADHD Enough Either

These words sum up my very unique AuDHD experience.

Growing up, I thought I simply had ADHD, only because my symptoms were known to teachers, my family, and myself. I'm not sure when I was formally diagnosed, but it was prior to 2013 when changes to the DSM were made (once again, making me one of the lucky ones to be diagnosed and accommodated properly).

I was "that student" who made honor roll consistently (prior to high school because algebra is evil) and "was a pleasure to have in class." I was also loud, tended to interrupt people (not intentionally) while they were speaking, fidgeted (subtly) in my seat during lectures, daydreamed in class, and hyperfocused on the smallest details that other kids didn't catch.

Because my ADHD took center stage, I didn't think I was autistic. Even today, having AuDHD makes me feel like I can't fully relate to either neurotype.

But AuDHD Has Its Silver Linings, Too

Despite its challenges, some people with AuDHD find that having two different conditions at once has its perks. When autism and ADHD traits mingle, they can have a positive effect on social, cognitive, and behavioral skills. Autism’s methodical nature, in combination with ADHD’s drive for spontaneity, can lead to an AuDHDer:

• Having the ingenious ability to solve problems.

• Taking on creative pursuits.

• Becoming an expert on a niche subject and/or special interest.

• Possessing a “toolbox” of coping skills for a hodgepodge of situations.

• Having an uncanny ability to detect patterns and details that others wouldn’t see.

Living with AuDHD isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible. Despite our shortcomings, we have brains that, when treated kindly, can make us capable of doing great things and maybe even leave a mark on the world. 

As Temple Grandin says, “There needs to be a lot more emphasis on what a child can do instead of what he cannot do.” This quote also applies to people with AuDHD, too.

How to Navigate AuDHD in the Real World

So, how can we find our inner peace with our sometimes chaotic brains?

First, we need to establish a routine that respects our need for routine and familiarity but doesn’t make us feel restricted or confined. I’ve tried finding all sorts of ways to build a routine: planners, step-by-step books, journals, the Notes app on my iPhone, you name it––only to neglect them after the first two weeks. Ideally, being able to choose which tasks we need to do first while having an open list of options for things we want to do can suffice.

Another way of managing AuDHD is transitioning to a different task or activity in a way that doesn’t feel like pulling teeth. Jumping from a high-dopamine activity to a low-dopamine task without a life ring is the bane of our existence; in order to make the transition less stressful, we tend to do repetitive activities like folding laundry and filing paperwork while listening to something stimulating like upbeat music or an entertaining audiobook, podcast, or video.

Finally, we have days where we need to give ourselves breathing room on days when doing certain tasks or tolerating tough situations can be difficult or even impossible, which can be caused by poor sleep, pain or illness, excessive sensory stimuli, excessive expectations and demands, and a plethora of factors. This can be as simple as ordering takeout instead of cooking or staying home to rest instead of going to a bar. If there are tasks that can’t be avoided or pushed back for any reason (e.g. tight deadlines at work), we may start with the easy tasks first, saving the hard tasks for last.

Final Thoughts

Living with an AuDHD brain is challenging at times. The constant push-and-pull of sticking to what you know and trying something new can wear anyone with autism and ADHD combined. But when your brian is treated with tender-loving care, life can be 10 times easier. In some cases, having AuDHD can come with advantages. 

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